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Learning to Trust God ~ Part 2

I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday and I think I didn't finish. I have other thoughts, but the one thing I want to put out there is this. 

We have to come to a place of forgiving God.  It might be better worded as coming to a place of reconciliation with God. Many of us have learned that we aren't allowed to be angry with God, or question His plan for us.  But, that is where the healing often is.  It is in the conversations of "I don't get this, and I am really hurt and angry". God is able to hear that, and I believe, wants to hear it. 

When we are met with the answer that "God's plans are better than ours" it can shut down the conversation of "but I don't get it.  It doesn't feel like God's plan is better"', and this doesn't lead to healing.  I believe that the place to learn to trust God again is in the reconciliation with God.  The conversations around "I don't like this, and I don't get it". 

I know...it sounds narcissistic; because it is. We are not God.  God is not fallible and He created a world that became fallible.  He allows us to live in a world that is fallen.

Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend or spouse, and sat down with them for a face to face talk about it?  You had a moment of being super honest about the hurt and anger you were feeling and it was heard?  When that conversation was done did you feel closer to them?  It feels pretty good, doesn't it?  It opens the door to a more intimate and trusting relationship.  I am suggesting the same is true with God.

Here's the thing....many of us live in a world where we praise God.  We thank Him for his blessings, we seek His guidance, and we turn to Him in prayer.  And, we thank Him for the gift of His son ~ a son that He sent to the cross to atone for our sins.  

and then...our baby dies, and we are thrust into a place of "how do I trust God"? 

Whether we believe that God took our child, allowed our child to be taken, or believe that God could have saved our child we are lead back to knowing that His son died first.  God knows this grief that we endure.  Holding this truth is the beginning of the road to trusting God again, the middle is the reconciliation. Ultimately, the path can lead to trusting again.

How do I learn to trust God again?

As some of you may know I was in Texas over the weekend attending the Gathering Hope conference. It was a really great gathering for women who have suffered a child loss to come together and honor their children; it was room for moms to share about their loss and speak their babies names. The day focused a lot on how and where women find their hope.

During a discussion I heard a women pose the question "How do we learn to trust God again?"

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To the writers of Virgin River ~

Dear writers of Virgin River ~ *spoiler alert*

You don't know me, but about 6 weeks ago I sprained my ankle so badly that I had to cancel my vacation. It was a bummer. But, so many people had recommended this show called "virgin river" that I thought I would take the chance to watch it. What better thing to do with my time? After all, I was confined to the sofa with my leg elevated.

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Control ~

I really wish I had more control over things.  I have this belief that if people just listened to me more, or if I could just change people's behavior (me having control) that I could change the world, I could make all the bad things good, and create world peace (cue Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality).  

What I have learned though, is that I have very little control over others (let alone people across the world). I can't make others do things differently, I can't make others see different perspectives. I can offer different perspectives, but I can't make the person see differently.   The only thing I can do is control my views, words and actions.  What I can't do is change other's behavior by saying the perfect thing, doing some action to create a desired reaction, or plead expecting a different outcome.

Over the last few weeks I have had many conversations around the topic of control.  Many people frustrated that "if they would just A,B or C (like I tell them), then it would be all better".  This leads to so much disappointment and anger.  So many hurt feelings....This often feels like a personal attack, and "why don't they care about me" thinking, and although the behavior feels like a personal attack it often isn't.  So, rather than spending too much time trying to figure out ways to control something that is out of your control, maybe take some time to ponder "why do I need this to be different"? 

I think a great question to ask yourself might be "how do I take care of me if this behavior/scenario doesn't change the way I want"?  

Prolonged Grief Disorder ~

Prolonged Grief?? ~

Recently the NY Times published an article regarding a diagnosable disorder that is newly included in the DSM-5-TR, and I have had a few people ask me my thoughts about it so I thought I would share a few of those here.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, "In prolonged grief disorder, the bereaved individual may experience intense longings for the deceased or preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased, or in children and adolescents, with the circumstances around the death. These grief reactions occur most of the day, nearly every day for at least a month. The individual experiences clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

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