Hi I'm Hallie Thanks for stopping by to read my blog

Control ~



I really wish I had more control over things.  I have this belief that if people just listened to me more, or if I could just change people's behavior (me having control) that I could change the world, I could make all the bad things good, and create world peace (cue Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality).  

What I have learned though, is that I have very little control over others (let alone people across the world). I can't make others do things differently, I can't make others see different perspectives. I can offer different perspectives, but I can't make the person see differently.   The only thing I can do is control my views, words and actions.  What I can't do is change other's behavior by saying the perfect thing, doing some action to create a desired reaction, or plead expecting a different outcome.

Over the last few weeks I have had many conversations around the topic of control.  Many people frustrated that "if they would just A,B or C (like I tell them), then it would be all better".  This leads to so much disappointment and anger.  So many hurt feelings....This often feels like a personal attack, and "why don't they care about me" thinking, and although the behavior feels like a personal attack it often isn't.  So, rather than spending too much time trying to figure out ways to control something that is out of your control, maybe take some time to ponder "why do I need this to be different"? 

I think a great question to ask yourself might be "how do I take care of me if this behavior/scenario doesn't change the way I want"?  

Prolonged Grief Disorder ~

Prolonged Grief?? ~

Recently the NY Times published an article regarding a diagnosable disorder that is newly included in the DSM-5-TR, and I have had a few people ask me my thoughts about it so I thought I would share a few of those here.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, "In prolonged grief disorder, the bereaved individual may experience intense longings for the deceased or preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased, or in children and adolescents, with the circumstances around the death. These grief reactions occur most of the day, nearly every day for at least a month. The individual experiences clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

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Suicide ~

You guys, it happened again (I know, I said this last time).....but, it did!

I came home from work last night to the news that someone in the community had died by suicide. Again...and again I was struck by the tragedy of the news. Someone I don't know was so sad that they decided the best course of action was to die. I still am pondering what it must be like for this person's family and friends to hear the news. What must it be like to try to fit the pieces into the puzzle to make it make sense.

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Depression ~

Well, it happened again....

I had a woman contact me asking for guidance. Her kid, a teen, was talking about depression and suicide. Mom felt unsure of reaching out because she was unsure if this was a phase, or if the teen was being moody. She wasn't sure if her teen needed counseling, but the behavior seems different and so she called. Bravo to mom! because she reached out. She was unsure and she asked the questions. And, her teen was genuinely struggling.

This scenario seems to be playing out a lot lately ~ adults are struggling and teens are really struggling.

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Grounding…

This past year has challenged us all in a way that we couldn’t have expected. The uncertainty of what is happening, the stories we are hearing, the ever changing rules, and the mask fatigue. I have heard from so many people that they are experiencing anxiety like never before…many are experiencing anxiety for the first time.

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed with life, and can’t quite put a finger on why we are feeling super anxious the best thing we could do for ourselves is to first take a breath. Just breathe. Take a breath in, hold it for a few seconds, and then breathe out slowly.

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