Last week when I received a call, while I was away on vacation, that my dear friend had lost her son Kade at 37 weeks I wanted to rush to her side. I was immediately struck with a desire to be with her, to sit by her side and to give her comfort. I realize that this is both a normal response and part of my desire was absolutely about wanting to help her.
However, I also know that part of my reaction to the news was about me. It was about my own need to feel better and less sad. I “knew” that if I could just be with her, I would feel less sad and anxious.
So, because I was far away, I was given the gift of a moment. A moment to reflect on what my intent was, what I could do, and create space that became about what she would need from me. I will be honest and say that this moment wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
I was able to recognize that I could practice all that I teach to others. I allowed myself to sit in my emotions, that felt overwhelmingly huge, and grieve for her son. I allowed myself a moment to grieve for her and her husband, and I could grieve all the loss that I have experienced that was triggered by the news.
And then, I could be with her and her husband. I could sit and listen. I could allow the space that they needed. There are no words that can offer comfort. As is the case in many situations the best gift we can give is silence. It was a privilege that they allowed me into their process in this time.
I think that if we can allow ourselves a moment to recognize our own stuff, then we can just sit and BE with a friend that needs us. Let’s allow them the time and allow them the process without the need to speak or say something “helpful.” Let’s be silent and listen.
Kade ~ you are loved by so many. You have touched so many lives and will be missed beyond measure. You were cherished for the short time you were in your momma’s belly, and your mom and dad are blessed to be able to call you son.
Allyson and Nick ~ Thank you for the gift of meeting your Kade. He has left a mark on my heart.